Okay, one more sharing of funnies with my Grandpa and then I’ll get this blog back to the writing…
Now, before anyone thinks I’m making fun, I’m not. Oh, I would never do that. I cherish these conversations because I knew he got a kick out of the exchanges, too. Oh, and when he says he’s dying… he said this for the last sixteen years. He was just ornery enough to use it to his advantage as much as possible. <g>
Here is a message he left on my answering machine once.
“This is your grandpa. Your good-looking grandpa. I’m callin’ cause Rinda is before me. The Lord keeps putting her before me. Two days now so I’m calling to see what’s going on cause he won’t leave me alone about it. I’m praying for her a lot. I’ll send a bill.”
At the time, I hesitated to call back. Why? Our last conversation three weeks before that message. <g>
“The lord is standing in my doorway staring at me. He keeps pokin’ at me to call you. Says you got a big problem. You doing okay?’
“You guys found work?”
(We were not out of work, but Katrina had stopped a few clients and with this huge, nosy and superstitious family, rumors don’t just explode, they accumulate in a barrage of mini blasts that reach monstrous proportions!)
“We’re working on it, Grandpa.”
“Well the Lord will provide. You need money?”
“Then send me some. I don’t have any.”
“I will when we get some clients.”
“You need an organ?”
“I can give your husband a job building a crate for this organ. I’ll pay for the gas if you all and the kids will come see me. I’m dyin’ and I need company.”
“I wish we could come. I do. But the kids are in school. Gas is expensive, Grandpa, and you said you didn’t have any money.”
“The Lord will provide. About that crate…”
“My husband is a commercial developer, Grandpa.”
“Job’s a job.”
“I know. Really I don’t know what you’ve heard, but we’re fine. Where did you get the organ?”
“I bought it from Miss (?). She wants to marry me.”
“All the ladies want to marry you, Grandpa.”
“It’s cause I’m so good-lookin’.”
“That you are.”
“About that organ…
“How did you buy an organ if you’re broke, Grandpa?”
“The lord provided.”
Reverend Grandpa loved candy. It was all over the house and he filled his pockets with it until they bulged. All you had to do as a kid, was run up and smile at him and he’d give you a handful. Or… sometimes, those pockets had glitter in them and he’d throw it on you. Said it was the holy ghost.
He traveled to South America several times and the stories are hilarious. Introducing fishing poles and a dishwasher to people who’d never seen them. Swimming in a river and having a bunch of people surround the thing yelling at him to get out. The only word he understood was Piranha.
He always offered to perform weddings for my friends for two dollars. The first time I remember him doing that, I was around seven years-old. So were the friends.
He always had false teeth and liked to take them out and chase the little ones.
And his favorite thing to do? Wait until the room was quiet or creep up behind you and yell “Praise the Lord” at the top of his lungs then laugh when you jump, scream… or pass out from fright.
He did all these things with that teasing grin of his. I think I’ll miss that the most. 🙂