Strange living with this slight rumble of anticipation at all times. It’s a mixed bag, this feeling. Powerful at times–kind of like living with a separate entity.
And it’s a moody MUTHER.
One minute, hopeful, then next, contemplative and then it just flat out throws an inner tantrum that can suck up all your energy, leaving you empty and tired. Mine seems to have movie director tendencies–likes to flash scenarios into my head. Mostly good ones. 😉
But lately, it’s quietly moved into the background.
I’ve gone through a few stages throughout this wait on my Beri series sale. (Wrote some of it in a humorous post at the Dames site.) At first, there was the thrill of getting all that attention in one week. Flurries of emails from a couple of agents, the call I’ve been waiting for–for such a long time. The polishing before the book went out.
Then there was that first sort of excitement–which was more like a boil-over. I didn’t write much for a couple of months and it was all I could do to focus on the day job I still had then. I hardly slept and then when I did, I opened my eyes wide immediately (very, very unusual for me) and grabbed the phone that was never far out of reach.
I follow a few writer’s blogs with writers in various stages of this crazy career we want so badly and I’ve watched the ones in my current stage the most. We’ve been on a similar pattern. We all have this incredible excitement in the beginning because let’s face it, we all know writers who got sale news fast and yes, we all hope to wow someone enough for that. In reality, there are a LOT of us seeking attention and only so many editors with piles of manuscripts and the last year has been full of really hard publishing news. Those of us on submission have spent a lot of email time commiserating.
But in a nutshell? This takes a little while. I’ve gone from major excitement to slight depression, then back up again.
But now I’ve reached a point of okay. LOL! Very eloquent for a writer, yes? But, I’m okay with this wait. I want it. Want it badly, don’t get me wrong, and the down moments still happen, but for the most part, I’ve gone back into the excitement of creating a story. I’ve jumped that new step hurdle and picked up a steady pace again.
I’m turning my anticipation into creation. And yeah, I still wake with that rumble of anticipation and the question, “Will today be the day?” but I’m better able to let that rumble simmer in the background while I focus on getting myself some better odds.