Friday Playing

It’s Friday and I’ve been all over the place. Figured out I’m not going to be too productive today, so I’ll try again tonight. I have no social plans this evening which is a nice change since I can put my feet up and write on the laptop. Provided the laptop doesn’t die. Stupid thing is freezing and giving me fits.

So, today, I have a funny for you. No words of writing wisdom, but a play on words. A local writing friend sent me these and I love them! Had to share. (I love the Bozone layer!)

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year’s winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day onsuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after ou’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

10 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing! I love the creativity of word plays.

    And, here are a few (politically incorrect) that could come from a ghetto:

    foreclose: If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.

    disappointment: My parole officer tol’ me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

    Isreal: Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, “Man, it look fake.” He say, “Bullshit, that watch isreal.”

    acoustic: When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the pool hall.

    (I don’t mean to offend anyone.)

  2. Love those. Needed a good laugh.

    I think we should start using character names based on the word verification letters that we have to type each time we post. Some are hysterical.

  3. I am terribly tempted to put the term “ignoanus” up in our lounge when school starts. There are so many to whom this is applicable. And I’m not thinking students…

  4. Another blogfriend put one up on her site. I thought up the word ‘rethreat,’ meaning pitching a temp at a dangerous campground for the second time.

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